the obligation to endure

joy.

2009-05-04T11:55:00.003-05:00

wow - it's been awhile. to fill in the gaps here:

after that disappointing 2:03 in the half, i picked up the pieces and slogged my way through a windy ice storm to run 1:57:01. success!

two days later, i fell in ralston creek on a training run and, according to the doctor, "did major trauma" to my ankle. five weeks of nursing the ankle followed, which meant no training, minimal walking, and no third 20 miler.

i went into the michigan trail marathon last sunday hoping for the best and willing to drop out if my ankle needed it. but i hit the course and magic happened - no ankle pain. maybe the pain of the 80º weather and high humidity just canceled out the ankle.

nonetheless, it was a glorious day on a glorious trail. filled with pain and doubt and utterly triumphant in the end. just like life.

so where does this chapter of my running life end? with a seventeenth place finish off of a 5:25.33 and, appropriately, a smile on my face.

happy trails, c.

two-oh-three.

2009-03-01T16:13:00.004-06:00

i ran my second solo half marathon this morning and finished in 2:03. here's the route.

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/ia/iowa-city/857874418301"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;iowa city half marathon&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br/&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.mapmyrun.com/find-run/united-states/ia/iowa-city"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Find more Runs in Iowa City, Iowa&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

i'm going to admit that i'm disappointed at - again - not breaking 2 hours - though i know i can. i'm trying to fight the urge to rely on "knowing i can do it" though. just because i know i can do something doesn't mean i have done it. i need to stop justifying a lack of effort by rationalizing that i could do something if i really wanted to! ugh. please, i need to get over that... besides, by throwing in the towel like that, i never get the joy of reaching a goal!

and so, in the meantime, here are some thoughts for the record:

focus on one goal at a time! i tried to cram in too much this morning - a half-hearted attempt at knocking off the sub-2, combined with trying to get in a good, hilly workout and hitting a stretch of icy trail. pick a goal and run with it.

get better at pacing. when i hit mile one in 8:20, i knew i was in trouble! but couldn't quite get it back. turn it up one gear, not five.

don't lose heart. trust the training. let myself be great!

get tough. long runs hurt - get over it.

run my own race - i was chasing shadows all morning and i knew it.

and finally,

celebrate the 2:03! a 2:03 hilly-ass half with 338 ft. of ascent and 15 minutes of walking in the middle is pretty damn good. enjoy!

next 1/2, i'm going to either hop on a treadmill at 9 minute pace or hop into a half with pacers. i need to get this monkey off my back and re-focus on what's important: enjoying myself and enjoying those trails.

chasing coyotes.

2009-02-22T15:25:00.006-06:00

i'm back in iowa city after an aborted trip to waterfall glen. after getting stuck in chicago last night because of the snowstorm, i set my alarm at 5:30am and planned to hit the limestone loop at waterfall glen by 7am. when i got there, however, it was closed! it turns out the dupage forest preserve district opens their parks one hour after sunup and fines people for entering the park illegally. so, i hopped back in the car and started the trek back west to iowa - planning to run the north route at lake macbride (twice) when i got there. thankfully, i stopped at one of the iowa oases and chatted with the very nice "welcome to iowa!" woman who gave me a bunch of iowa state park maps. i checked them out, threw caution to the wind, and decided to head towards palisades-kepler state park, just west of mount vernon. and thank god i did!

palisades-kepler is a bee-you-tee-full park. i wish it were about four times bigger than it is (~800 acres), but i'll take what i can get! the park sits on top of the cedar river, with a bunch of park up on top of some bluffs and a bunch of park down below along the river. there were plenty of geese, ducks, and racoons. there were also - though i didn't see any actual coyotes - plenty of coyote tracks. which brings me to my theme of the day: chasing coyotes.

when you spend as much time as i do driving down the interstate - alone - and running for hours - alone - you tend to have alot of big thoughts. and this is today's: chasing coyotes. as i ran up and down the snowy bluffs at palisades-kepler, attempting to retain my sanity while running and re-running over my own tracks in the snow, i invented a game to keep me going. in my darkest hour, the moment at which i found myself trying to convince myself that 8 miles might be just as good as 18 (yeah, right!) and that i should just pack up and head on home, i noticed how all the coyotes in palisades-kepler state park seemed to follow the park trails. the same trails that i was running, had been run sometime in the last few hours by either one endurance-crazed coyote, or a whole slew of them. everywhere i looked were coyote tracks, and i made it my business to follow these tracks - to chase the coyotes.

now chasing coyotes is a pretty ridiculous pastime. for one thing, they can outrun me. for another, what the hell am I going to do if I actually _do_ catch a coyote? but "f&ck it!" i thought, i'm going to spend my afternoon chasing coyotes, which is exactly what i did. instead of throwing in the towel at 8 miles, i chased those tracks for a good three and half hours - up and down bluffs, through the trails, across roads, over downed trees, along the river, across the cliffs. and i loved it.

and that, of course, is when it occurred to me that chasing coyotes makes a nice metaphor for trail running - for the absurdity of running through the woods for hours at a time with no destination and no specific goal. just a chance to embrace the hunter gatherer in all of us. a chance to focus completely on the (absurd) task at hand. to lose yourself in pain, yes, and also joy. and i know i could use some more of that in the rest of my life - embracing the hunter gatherer, forgetting the bullshit, losing and finding myself, chasing coyotes.

no news is good news!

2009-02-16T19:39:00.002-06:00

hmmmm... long time no write.

i seem to be noticing a pattern. when all is well, i'm too happy to bother writing! training is coming along well. i'm still on the wagon. i'm up to 35 miles a week. and, after the saga of trying to find a neutral trail show, i think i did! i just picked up the montrail streak after reading rave reviews here, here, and here. huge thank yous to ann h. for helping me with the search, drew for putting up with my bitching, and to kara at the scheel's in iowa city for actually having the shoes in stock. i've only done a quick 3 miles in them, but so far so good.

things i'm thankful for this week: my darling husband, my wonderful marriage, my sweetie pie kittens, my sweetie pie daughter, my amazing parents, sister, and bro-in law, my wonderful town, my health, my sanity, my energy, and my future. kisses to all.

let go and let (the running) god(s)...

2009-02-02T13:26:00.002-06:00

things are still rolling along. i'm up around 30 miles per week and just completed week four of marathon training. my body is definitely feeling the training - i'm having some trouble sleeping and am just plain tired - but i can tell i'm getting stronger and faster. i had a lovely xc ski outing this week in chicago and a hard 60 minute run on the hills in hickory hill park to cap off the week. onward and upward!

it's official - i'm in!

2009-01-21T19:26:00.005-06:00

i'm still hurting a bit from the trail race, but i figure i've got to get right back on that trail horse! so i headed over to hickory hill park, for the first time in a long time, to re-embrace its snowy hills. two slow miles, two quicker miles, and one very slow mile later, i emerged with a renewed appreciation of the trails. they're rougher than the roads, but it doesn't get much better than roaming free in an empty park, listening to your own breath, broken every once in awhile by the sweet song of a cardinal or a chickadee. i love those trails!

so what better way to cap off the love fest than with my official entry into the michigan trail marathon on april 26, 2009. i'm in! and i intend to do everything i can to make it to the start. woo hoo!

happy trails,
me.

one hell of a trail run!

2009-01-19T09:55:00.003-06:00

on saturday, i headed to rock cut state park in rockford for race #2 in the rock cut trail series. from what i understand, the rockford road runners put on this trail race series every winter, consisting of a december 5k, january 10k, february 15k, and march 20k. i knew it was cold out (20º) and windy and snowy, but i had no idea what was in store!

i arrived at rock cut in time to register for the race ($20 cash in order to pay out the winners!) and head out for a two mile warm-up. i had to head straight to the start after that, where about 150 people (many of them in their 40s and 50s and FIT) started chanting "LARRY! LARRY!" in an effort to summon race director, larry swanson, for the gun. he arrived, offering a few last minute bits of advice, "Don't get hurt! You're going to cross that frozen lake not once - not twice - but THREE times!"

and then we were off!

straight up a hill ankle deep in fresh powder, onto narrow singletrack through the woods, along the edge of pierce lake, up more hills, across the lake, up another hill, through the woods, across the lake again, up more hills, through more powder, across the lake x3, around the lake, and in.

HOLY MOSES! i remember thinking to myself that i was hitting the wall, and then seeing the little yellow plastic pie plate mile marker for mile TWO! this was going to be a LONG 10k. for the first half mile or so, we had to stay single file on the singletrack. i made a few moves into the deeper powder for better position. after that, i got passed by one guy around mile 4 who shouted, "why are we doing this?!?!" when he passed me! other than that, i was pretty well on my own the whole race, with usually not more than two people in view ahead. i passed a few guys on the lake passes, passed a few more on the singletrack, and cut through knee deep powder to pass the only other woman i saw on the course in the final five yards. she seemed pissed but a race is a race! as i passed through the chute, i heard the race official say, "1:18." 1:18!!!!

my legs were literally shaking at the finish. i grabbed a homemade chocolate chip cookie and some water and headed out for a two-mile warm-down. i made it back for the awards ceremony and discovered that i finished 2nd in my age group - though there may only have been two people in my age group! i'm still waiting for the results to be posted, but i think i finished in the top of the second half of finishers.

and i'm really thrilled with that! my 1:18 says something about the difficulty of the race. 12:30 pace really got my heart rate up and there were definite moments where i was thinking that this was harder than any marathon i've run. it took a whole lot of digging deep. it was also great practice for learning to walk (gasp!) up hills and run smart - trail running is a whole new animal and i'm learning as i go.

but for sure, in february, i'll be back!

2009-01-11T18:20:00.002-06:00

there's nothing like a snowy, pre-dawn 8 miler in 10º weather to start the day off right! thank you, morning run, for getting the good vibes flowing. after that, i sat down, started working through my dissertation notes, and am in a much better place. all hail the running gods! for dissertation wisdom and for guiding me through week one of sixteen. 22 miles down, several hundred to go!

onward.

the cuckoo sign man.

2009-01-10T09:03:00.003-06:00

as i ran down the edge of a very snowy bowery street this dawn, a man in an old, red pontiac - refusing to move to the center of the road - made the cuckoo sign as he plowed on by.

i laughed.

maybe letting go is the easy part?

2009-01-09T18:53:00.002-06:00

i've had a great couple of days - legs are good; mind is good. i'm getting over this cold, getting lots of sleep, and drinking more water than fat tire for a change. but as the beginning of the semester approaches, and my inbox fills with things to do, i'm finding myself a bit - shall we say - overwhelmed.

it's funny because i've been re-reading 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' for the first time in almost 15 years and i just read a passage where our narrator, a teacher of rhetoric (!), is talking about writer's block. to be blocked, he tells us, is not to be without ideas, without thinking; rather, it comes when we're thinking too much - seeing too much - in short, when we're overwhelmed.

i know, for instance, that i need to get to work on this dissertation, but my usual strategy of plowing ahead come hell or high water doesn't seem to be working this time around. i can't seem to push through this one by sheer force of will - the way i've accomplished almost everything in the last ten years.

i'm learning - in running - that i can't force myself through some things - or, rather, that i can, but that it might be a better idea to sit back, let go, do the work, show up, and let the magic happen. but i don't know how to do that with this whole "ph.d." thing. pushing through, imposing my will, has worked pretty well until now, but now that it doesn't, there doesn't seem to be a way to sit back, show up, do the work, and make the magic happen. there isn't a nice, clear, well-researched bob glover plan i can follow for sixteen weeks to get where i want to be. instead, there's just a whole host of people waiting for me to do the work and wondering why i haven't, or why the work i have done doesn't look the way it's supposed to.

which, of course, gets me to that fear - that deepest of fears - that i'm not good at this kind of work. and that it's not good for me. that i feel too much, care too much, am too involved to attempt to write an ethnographic study of something i care about, love too much, am too deeply involved in. and that scares the crap out of me. is that why i'm hemming and hawwing? is that why i can't get started? is that why i'm overwhelmed? maybe so.

and, in fact, that's the same thing that kept me from running for all those years. maybe they are the same. maybe i just need to show up, do the work, and let the magic happen. but, for now, i'm simply overwhelmed.

the journey of 26.2 miles starts with a 3 mile loop around the neighborhood.

2009-01-06T12:42:00.008-06:00

after a good year of silence, i've decided to revive this here blog. i know no one reads it other than me - and maybe drew! - but i think it might be nice to start this record of my thinking and running again.

so here's the scoop:

we live in iowa city now, not chicago - though i do live in chicago once a week (long story). i have been running and, in fact, trained for chicago 2008, but i haven't run a marathon in over a year now. i've been busy passing prelims, starting a fellowship program, moving to iowa, doing my thing. now that all of that has calmed down, i'm ready for marathon #5 - the running fit trail marathon this april. the race is 16 weeks away, which means that today marks my first day of actual training: a three mile spin around the hood. despite the nasty cold/sinus thingy I'm fighting off, the run went off without a hitch - woo hoo!

more important than that actual three mile loop, though, is my attitude. it occurs to me that i've spent quite a few years trying to get running and, more specifically, the demands of racing, to bend to my will. i've tried to find a way to get through the training without really making room for the training. i've tried to rationalize that as long as i could check off those runs, i could work too hard, sleep too little, drink too much - in other words, i think i tried too hard to do things "my way." that seems to me, now, to be a pretty stupid way to do things, and i'm not entirely sure why that just now occurred to me.

maybe it's because things have finally quieted down. the insanity of the last year or two subsided this winter break and, when i was finally forced to sit with myself, in myself, for a few minutes, i realized that i was scared - absolutely terrified, in fact. i suppose most people are scared of something, but this realization - that i was scared of everything - shocked the hell out of me. i didn't take myself for the fearful kind. it took a few weeks after that to figure out just what i was scared of - or why - and here's what i came up with: the future! more specifically, a future that i want desperately to control.

once i figured that out, i realized that this fear was silly, ridiculous in fact. no one can control the future and trying to do so only makes you miserable. armed with that epiphany, i am going to try very hard to get out of the future and get into now. and what better time to do that, than as i embark on my training for my first ever trail marathon.

it's not that i'm running this marathon to "save my soul." i'm running this marathon to run it! and, for once, to give myself up to the training. to let go and let god as they say. or, in my case, since i'm a little wary of the whole "god" thing - i'm going to let go and let the running gods step in. i'm going to pledge to take this training seriously for the first time. to revel in it. to luxuriate in it. to quit trying to impose my will on it. to embrace my fear of the future and enjoy the 3 miles of today. to face the scary fear of actually trying my best at something and letting the world see what that "best" is.

this is it: my gift to myself in 2009. to give myself up to training. to take it seriously. to enjoy it. to make room for it. to give up controlling it. to surrender to it.

to let go. and to let the running gods in.

elvis has left the building...

2007-12-31T14:51:00.000-06:00

well, i've been running and walking, but not blogging. after spending several weeks trying to balance the demands of running for hours at a time and reading for my upcoming prelims, something had to give. and, while i sometimes wish that something was school, i'm going to hang in there. as such, the 50-miler goal has been shelved for the time being, in lieu of a plain old regular person marathon this spring. once i pass my prelims, well, the sky's the limit.

happy trails!

c.

let it snow!

2007-12-09T12:40:00.001-06:00

well, if you're anywhere in the midwest, you know that we have been doused in snow and ice this last week. and what better time to try out my new trail kicks? turns out i love them! they got me through a hill workout in ankle-deep snow on wednesday, a race pace run on solid ice today, and an 11-mile jaunt on packed ice and snow yesterday. what fun!

if you know me, you know that i LOVE this weather. heavy snow seems to be the only thing that can turn this dreary city into something remotely resembling "nature." the city absorbs heat, rain, sun, you name it, but it can't do a damn thing about snow and ice.

when drew and i headed out this morning, it felt like winter in iowa city. not too many people are out on sunday morning anyway, but, with the temperature hovering at 32º, the snow that blanketed the city this week melted just enough to refreeze into a sheet of solid ice. the few people who were out walking their dogs all wandered through the streets. the sidewalks were impassable. it was gorgeous! it's time like these that i appreciate the beauty of this city. or, maybe, it's time like these when i'm able to pretend i'm back in the i.c.! :)

numbers for the week:
M 12/3: rest
Tu 12/4: 4.0 easy
W 12/5: 5.0 long hills
Th 12/6: 4.0 easy
F 12/7: rest
Sa 12/8: 11.0 in lincoln park
Su 12/9: 7.0 at race pace

miles this week: 31.0
miles for ice age training: 104.0

keep running out there!

week two

2007-12-02T17:31:00.000-06:00

M rest
T 4m @ easy
W 7m @ 15 easy, 30 strong, 15 easy
Th 4m @ easy
F rest
Sa 15m @ medium
Su 7m @ race pace

Total for the week: 36.0m
Total for Ice Age Training: 73.0m

week one down.

2007-11-27T17:28:00.000-06:00

well, i've been so busy updating the local foods connection blog - my new job! - that i kind of forgot about this one.

i'm not much in the mood for waxing poetic, so i'm just going to give you a rundown of the week.

ice age training, week one
M rest
T 4m @ easy
W 7m @ fartlek
Th 4m @ easy
F rest
Sa 14m @ waterfall glen
Su 7m @ race pace

Total for the week: 36.0m
Total for Ice Age Training: 36.0m

ice age training is officially underway!

2007-11-19T20:01:00.000-06:00

thanks to my heaven-sent anti-embolism stockings, i made it through the brutal 50k hangover and lived to tell the tale. i ran a fun trail 5-miler with drew last weekend, worked in some running and walking during the week, and put together a 4 miler and a 10 miler this weekend. after a day of doing errands and clawing my way through spanish class today, i'm ready to begin. (i hate it that the first official day of training is always a rest day!)

today officially marks day one of week one of my 24 weeks of ice age training. 50 miles, here i come!

after walking my way to the lakefront 50k - literally running only twice a week - i'm back onto a regular resting M/F, longer miles Su, shorter miles Tu/Th, workouts W schedule. i am looking forward to running again. hopefully, the tumor will hold out. i'm going to head to the doctor sometime in the next week or two to see if we can get some physical therapy going.

so there you have it. it's off to the races!

me and my support hose.

2007-11-10T10:19:00.000-06:00

so much for healthy! after running the lakefront 50k 14 days ago, feeling great for a week, and running friday/saturday/sunday, my legs no longer work. my tumor is throbbing and anytime i sit down for more than five minutes i have some serious trouble getting up.

one question: what the hell?

i've been walking and resting since then and still not much change. i even started wearing my knee-high oxysox and no change. finally, i resorted to buying a pair of walgreens anti-embolism stockings and success! i can actually walk now but my legs are still incredibly fatigued.

i don't get it. i know what my body usually feels like after a long race and this is not it. my legs feel like they weigh fifty pounds a piece and tingle all the time.

bummer.

"I can't go on, I'll go on." samuel beckett.

2007-11-03T11:36:00.001-05:00

back to running! i'm recovering from both the lakefront 50k and the stomach flu that i apparently picked up from my students. after six days of rest and walking, i headed out for an easy 4-mile loop around the 'hood with drew yesterday. what fun! it felt so good to stretch the legs out and enjoy myself.

looks like i'll be taking a few more easy weeks, then beginning the ice age 50 training just after my birthday (nov. 17th!!!!). i'm thankful to be feeling healthy and enthusiastic - a complete mess at times - but healthy and enthusiastic.

one of the scariest things about distance runs, for me, is the unknown *after* the race. will i feel like shit? will i hate running? will my body hate me? can i go on?

maybe that's the point of distance running, though - to put yourself out there not only for the unknown of running, but for the unknown of the whole life experience that surrounds it. to continually ask yourself: "can i go on?" and to reply "i can't go on, i'll go on."

it's the obligation to endure and, at times, to even enjoy it.

rocking the lakefront 50k.

2007-10-28T09:18:00.000-05:00

i came.

i ran.

i conquered!

yes, i competed in - and finished! - my first (baby-)ultra. roughly 300 of us gathered at the 63rd street beach starting line of the combined marathon and 50k. we headed north, into the wind, up past 31st street, where we turned around and headed back. after three loops, we were done! while the 20 mph headwinds SUCKED heading north, they were a blessing heading back in to the finish. i kicked it out the last two miles or so with a group of strong and experienced ultra-runners. finally, one woman and i pulled away from the pack, cruising south past the museum of science and industry at top gear. she glanced over at me and said, "see that guy up there - i think you can take him!" "no thanks," i replied. "i'm good." "nahhh... do it!" and we tried. another 10 yards and we might have gotten him. but the speed made for one of the more exciting ultra finishes. i was delighted to make the last turn and glance up at the clock - 5 hours 25 minutes. 10.29 pace! with the bathroom stops, stretching, and chit chat with the volunteers, that was certainly a better finishing time than i anticipated.

thank you drew, for being the best one man support crew a girl could ever ask for, mom, for always showing up at the right moment and screaming your lungs out for me, lisa, for hopping into the race (dress coat and all!) just when i needed you most, and ivan, for your little wave and smirk across the grass.

now bring on a 50 miler!

the music in my head - songs that got me through 50k!

2007-10-27T20:25:00.000-05:00

eddie vedder, "hard sun"

When I walk beside her
I am the better man
when i look to leave her
I always stagger back again

Once I built an ivory tower
so I could worship from above
when I climb down to be set free
she took me in again

There’s a big
a big hard sun
beating on the big people
in the big hard world

When she comes to greet me
she is mercy at my feet
I see her inner charm
she just throws it back at me

Once I dug an early grave
to find a better land
she just smiled and laughed at me
and took her rules back again

Once I stood to lose her
and I saw what i had done
bowed down and threw away the hours
of her garden and her sun

So I tried to want her
I turned to see her weep
40 days and 40 nights
and its still coming down on me

AND

the killers, "read my mind"

on the corner of main street
just tryin' to keep it in line
you say you wanna move on and
you say I'm falling behind

can you read my mind?
can you read my mind?

I never really gave up on
breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around

can you read my mind?
can you read my mind?

The good old days
the honest man
the restless heart
the promised land
a subtle kiss
that no one sees
a broken wrist
and big trapeze

so what I don't mind
if you don't mind
'cause I don't shine
if you don't shine
before you go
can you read my mind?

Its funny how you just break down
waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
with magic soakin' my spine

can you read my mind?
can you read my mind?

The teenage queen
the loaded gun
the drop dead dream
the chosen one
a southern drawl
a world unseen
a city wall
and a trampoline

So what I don't mind
if you don't mind
'cause I don't shine
if you don't shine
before you jump
tell me what you find
can you read my mind

Slippin in my faith
until I fall
he never returned that call
woman, open the door
don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again

She said
I don't mind
if you don't mind
'cause I don't shine
if you don't shine
put your back on me
put your back on me
put your back on me

(ooooooohhhh)

The stars are blazing
like rebel diamonds
cut out of the sun
when you read my mind

i'm dying of laughter right now!

2007-10-25T18:31:00.000-05:00

Saturday

Showers / Wind

High
55°F
Low
38°F


Precip:		50%

Windy with showers. Highs in the mid 50s and lows in the upper 30s.

2007-10-18T20:59:00.000-05:00

You're on your ear, the ocean's near
The light has started to fade
Your high is timed, you found the climb
It's hard to focus on more than what's in front of you
Electron Blue
Adventure rings with a page and
When it dawns on you,
It singes blue
Your buzz beginning to wane.

Adventure has laid its claim on you
It's all you want to do.
You
You know where to run
You run Electron Blue.

And who am I?
I'm just a guy
I've got a story like everyone
But in your eyes
You looked surprised
And didn't know where to run
I looked to her
She's found the cure
Her future's already begun

Tomorrow's gaining speed on you
It's all you want to do
You
You know where to run
You run Electron Blue
You
You know where to run
You run electron blue

So bide your time
You'll feel the climb
Your high it builds like a lightning storm
It sings like pearls
You know that girl
And no one is any the wiser
So as if on cue.....
Electron Blue

24 + 10 - let the taper begin!

2007-10-14T19:01:00.000-05:00

i made it through a 24 mile lakefront run yesterday and a 10 mile loop today to officially put the lid on the ultra training! this caps off multiple weeks of 50+ miles and, for anyone who might be keeping track (me), i logged my last 24 miler in 10.15 pace (after a 10.53 marathon last week). i guess maybe i'm ready! my legs are DEAD TIRED but i don't feel hurt.

one word to the wise:
a 24 miler + no lunch + college football + cheap pitchers of coors light = not the best idea.

other than that, all is well!

running through baghdad?

2007-10-08T13:28:00.000-05:00

well, i ran the chicago marathon yesterday as training for the lakefront 50k and i'm guessing that since i made it through that unscathed, i'm going to be okay on the 27th!

unless you're living in a cave (or, i suppose, some place with "real" news), you've probably heard by now that the chicago marathon was a total fiasco. the race was called off around noon, one runner died on the course, and several hundred more were hospitalized. as people try to sort out what happened, the race directors are saying there was plenty of hydration on the course, while the runners out there (like me) know that was not the case. i didn't touch a drop of gatorade until mile 10 or so.

this race was utterly bizarre - even though i had alot of fun! i was happy to be doing it as a training run and not racing. i finished right where i wanted to - just under 11.00 minute pace - which may have been a little fast in retrospect, given the conditions.

this was a surreal experience, though, and one i'll not soon forget. the second half of the course was what i imagine running through a war zone to feel like: people were dropping like flies around me, puking in the gutters and laying on the curbs; runners were getting carried off on gurneys all over the place; and a police chopper kept flying overhead blaring "stop running NOW. there is NO MORE medical personnel!" from its loudspeaker. bizarro.

adding to the surreal-ness, i suppose, was the fact that i felt reasonably good. i high-fived every little kid on the course, sang the iowa fight song with the hawkeyes along the way, and stopped to kiss mom, dad, hannah, and lisa when i first saw them.

yes, i experienced the war zone that was the 2007 chicago marathon, the race that will live forever in running lore, but i didn't entirely experience it. what was, for me, a hot, fun day out on the course, turned into a matter of life and death for the people around me, before my very eyes. eerie. and a day not soon forgotten.

needless to say, i feel for those who got hit so hard by the poor conditions, those who took hits to their health, their pride, and their dreams. i take no pleasure in their pain. i do, however, give thanks for whatever i've got that made yesterday just another run in the heat: a fun day on the roads, high-fiving, singing, hugging, kissing, and finishing.

procrastination and endorphins.

2007-09-28T14:34:00.000-05:00

i'm sitting in a coffeeshop, trying to read gayatri spivak's "can the subaltern speak?" and it's just not happening. not only have i littered the margins of my photocopied essay with mini-question marks, but i still have no idea whether or not the subaltern can speak after all. come to think of it, i don't even know who the subaltern are!

for instance, i just read the deleuze and guattari line, "Desire does not lack anything; it does not lack its object. It is, rather, the subject that is lacking in desire, or desire that lacks a fixed subject; there is no fixed subject except by repression." what the hell does that mean? if you think you know, please don't hesitate to tell me.

still, the impenetrability of this 40+ page essay just isn't getting me down. i completed a four hour plus run today and the endorphins dancing through my body (okay, nothing much is dancing in my legs at this point!) are rendering me impervious to this academic pain.

recall, too, that i'm planning to run the ice age trail 50 miler this spring for precisely this same reason. long runs, it turns out, are my medicine: the only antidote to the pain that is preliminary exams. i figure the only way i can possibly make it through the 200 some books and essays on my PhD exam lists will be to temper all of that intellectual nonsense with some good, clean running - rather, good, dirty running. let's hope it works!

for now, it's back to desire.

20 + 10

2007-09-16T10:51:00.000-05:00

i made it! 20 miles yesterday and 10 this morning. by the end of 20 yesterday i felt like i couldn't run another step. that seemed like a problem. but my 10 miles this morning felt great! (well, except for dodging the stupid CARA training groups running their fully supported 2o miler this morning). i've been worried that i'm nowhere near the shape i was in for the madison marathon but maybe my body is finally catching up! one can only hope. because it sure does feel good to run long.

housekeeping.

2007-09-13T19:52:00.001-05:00

guess what? non-members can post comments now. that means you, d.!!!!!!

respecting my limits.

2007-09-11T19:11:00.000-05:00

after weeks of no sleep, crap food, extra beer, and LOTS of miles, my body gave out.

i awoke friday morning with the cold to end all colds - painful sinuses, running nose, headache, fever, sore throat, chesty cough, you name it. it was bad enough that i still have it. for some reason, i've been under the impression that my body is able to do astonishing things and that, therefore, i don't need to take the same care of it that other mortals do.

ha!

i've learned my lesson. my body has spoken and i have heeded its call. i've been doing nothing but sleeping, drinking water and juice, and sleeping some more. with some extra self-love, i was still able to get in my back to back 18 and 10 mile runs this weekend (okay, run/walks) and i'm going to slow dance my way through 4, 6, and 8 this mid-week. with the extra sleep i've been getting and the real food i've been eating, i'm hoping i can make it through the 20-10 i have planned this weekend. we shall see!

but at least i'm starting to respect this ordeal that i put my body through on a regular basis. and i'm willing to accept that my body does have its limits. and as sutherland/bowerman explained, "Be thankful for your limits, Pre, they're about as limitless as they get in this life."

the middle road.

2007-09-06T22:54:00.000-05:00

i was back in iowa city this week due to forces beyond my control. still, it was a delight to see r., drink crappy beer at george's, and run 16 miles saturday on the iowa river corridor trail and through city park, and then 10 miles sunday out to the lower finkbine trail. i loved every minute of it except that my pesky little tumor and my lack of hill running were kicking my ass come monday. my legs are DEAD. well, they *were* dead. after three days of power walking, my legs seem to be coming back to me. still, my shins, calves, and ankles are a bit testy.

anyway, i'm starting to love wandering around outside for hours on end. i'm not running fast; i'm not racing; but i'm still running. throughout my life, i've frequently done things perfectly or not at all. as i told b. earlier this evening, i'm trying to learn to be a bit more mediocre. does that sound crazy? yes. but somewhere between obsessively fantastic and stubbornly apathetic lies the middle road.

life.

2007-08-26T23:33:00.000-05:00

for reasons i'm not up for going into right now, my heart hurts. as i work through that, with the love of d. and the rest of the clan, it dawns on me that my heart hurts only because i am willing to risk loving and caring about a myriad of wonderful and amazing people around me. and lately, it seems likes their hearts have been hurting a whole lot. part of what has me so distraught is that it seems like those i love have been hurting alot more than their fair share lately. but i'm willing to consider that d. is right, and that the nature of life is to be beautiful and wonderful (as i like to believe) but that it's also to be painful and difficult and full of struggle.

and the thought of painful, difficult, and full of struggle brings me back, of course, to thinking about running. maybe that's why i do it. maybe that's why i willingly subject myself to painful, difficult, and struggling 20 mile runs. maybe those painful, difficult, and struggle-filled runs help to steel me for those painful, difficult, and struggle-filled times in life. and maybe my lack of rough training these past few months has left me particularly vulnerable.

maybe not.

but i have a feeling i'm going to take my training a bit more seriously from here on out.

field of dreams...

2007-08-21T19:06:00.000-05:00

i discovered my own personal field of dreams today - hickory hill park in iowa city:

http://www.hickoryhillpark.org/map.htm

i remember hearing about this place from my rowing coxswain back in my undergrad days, but, somehow, i never quite got around to checking it out. inspired by the mention of h.h. park in last month's outside magazine, i decided to head out there for a run this morning. after all, the park is approximately two blocks from r.'s house and i happened to be in iowa city for an overnight.

let me tell you that this park kicks some serious butt - several miles of trails cutting through the woods, up and down hills, over streams, and across gorgeous prairies. i had tons of fun except, of course, for the fact that this 6-mile run almost killed me! this flat-as-a-pancake city girl is not used to those up and downs. regardless, what a day!

as i wove through and across the single-track trails, cutting myself on low brambles and ducking under low hanging limbs, i found myself repeating the lines:

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

i realized that this was literally - and figuratively - true. not only had i chosen to try out a new trail, but i had driven solo to iowa city to have lunch with a complete stranger. in fact, i've increasingly found myself taking the road less traveled by - in school and in life. and, for at least today as i sit back here in chicago exhausted but happy, "that has made all the difference."

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

welcome to "the obligation to endure"!

2007-08-17T18:26:00.000-05:00

welcome to life post-2006-chicago-marathon.

the 2006 chicago marathon sucked. that's about all i have to say about that. i licked my wounds for awhile, moped around, then hit my stride (literally!). i swore off treadmills in december, trained in massive snowdrifts and on city viaducts all winter, and arrived at the 2007 madison marathon a happy woman. most surprisingly, i finished up the 2007 madison marathon still a happy woman.

it was an amazing race in an amazing town. i didn't look at my watch once the whole day, got cheered on by d., mom, and dad, and generally had a blast.

moral of the story:
40,000 people not so good. 1,000 people oh so good.

since then, i've been recovering: walking, swimming, biking, and (finally!) running. i'm back up to about 40 miles per week and plan to run chicago (likely for the last time) in october. i'm hoping to run the lakefront 50k in late october and then (da, da, da, da!!!!) the ice age 50 in may.

running for me, these days, is simply about running. i'm not feeling particularly competitive and i'm also not much up for company. these days, i enjoy getting outside, enjoying myself, and finding meaning in another absurd past time... life.


Wind:		NW at 23 mph
UV Index:		2 Low
Humidity:		72%

Sunrise:		7:16 AM
Sunset:		5:52 PM