there's nothing like a snowy, pre-dawn 8 miler in 10º weather to start the day off right! thank you, morning run, for getting the good vibes flowing. after that, i sat down, started working through my dissertation notes, and am in a much better place. all hail the running gods! for dissertation wisdom and for guiding me through week one of sixteen. 22 miles down, several hundred to go!
onward.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
the cuckoo sign man.
as i ran down the edge of a very snowy bowery street this dawn, a man in an old, red pontiac - refusing to move to the center of the road - made the cuckoo sign as he plowed on by.
i laughed.
i laughed.
Friday, January 9, 2009
maybe letting go is the easy part?
i've had a great couple of days - legs are good; mind is good. i'm getting over this cold, getting lots of sleep, and drinking more water than fat tire for a change. but as the beginning of the semester approaches, and my inbox fills with things to do, i'm finding myself a bit - shall we say - overwhelmed.
it's funny because i've been re-reading 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' for the first time in almost 15 years and i just read a passage where our narrator, a teacher of rhetoric (!), is talking about writer's block. to be blocked, he tells us, is not to be without ideas, without thinking; rather, it comes when we're thinking too much - seeing too much - in short, when we're overwhelmed.
i know, for instance, that i need to get to work on this dissertation, but my usual strategy of plowing ahead come hell or high water doesn't seem to be working this time around. i can't seem to push through this one by sheer force of will - the way i've accomplished almost everything in the last ten years.
i'm learning - in running - that i can't force myself through some things - or, rather, that i can, but that it might be a better idea to sit back, let go, do the work, show up, and let the magic happen. but i don't know how to do that with this whole "ph.d." thing. pushing through, imposing my will, has worked pretty well until now, but now that it doesn't, there doesn't seem to be a way to sit back, show up, do the work, and make the magic happen. there isn't a nice, clear, well-researched bob glover plan i can follow for sixteen weeks to get where i want to be. instead, there's just a whole host of people waiting for me to do the work and wondering why i haven't, or why the work i have done doesn't look the way it's supposed to.
which, of course, gets me to that fear - that deepest of fears - that i'm not good at this kind of work. and that it's not good for me. that i feel too much, care too much, am too involved to attempt to write an ethnographic study of something i care about, love too much, am too deeply involved in. and that scares the crap out of me. is that why i'm hemming and hawwing? is that why i can't get started? is that why i'm overwhelmed? maybe so.
and, in fact, that's the same thing that kept me from running for all those years. maybe they are the same. maybe i just need to show up, do the work, and let the magic happen. but, for now, i'm simply overwhelmed.
it's funny because i've been re-reading 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' for the first time in almost 15 years and i just read a passage where our narrator, a teacher of rhetoric (!), is talking about writer's block. to be blocked, he tells us, is not to be without ideas, without thinking; rather, it comes when we're thinking too much - seeing too much - in short, when we're overwhelmed.
i know, for instance, that i need to get to work on this dissertation, but my usual strategy of plowing ahead come hell or high water doesn't seem to be working this time around. i can't seem to push through this one by sheer force of will - the way i've accomplished almost everything in the last ten years.
i'm learning - in running - that i can't force myself through some things - or, rather, that i can, but that it might be a better idea to sit back, let go, do the work, show up, and let the magic happen. but i don't know how to do that with this whole "ph.d." thing. pushing through, imposing my will, has worked pretty well until now, but now that it doesn't, there doesn't seem to be a way to sit back, show up, do the work, and make the magic happen. there isn't a nice, clear, well-researched bob glover plan i can follow for sixteen weeks to get where i want to be. instead, there's just a whole host of people waiting for me to do the work and wondering why i haven't, or why the work i have done doesn't look the way it's supposed to.
which, of course, gets me to that fear - that deepest of fears - that i'm not good at this kind of work. and that it's not good for me. that i feel too much, care too much, am too involved to attempt to write an ethnographic study of something i care about, love too much, am too deeply involved in. and that scares the crap out of me. is that why i'm hemming and hawwing? is that why i can't get started? is that why i'm overwhelmed? maybe so.
and, in fact, that's the same thing that kept me from running for all those years. maybe they are the same. maybe i just need to show up, do the work, and let the magic happen. but, for now, i'm simply overwhelmed.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
the journey of 26.2 miles starts with a 3 mile loop around the neighborhood.
after a good year of silence, i've decided to revive this here blog. i know no one reads it other than me - and maybe drew! - but i think it might be nice to start this record of my thinking and running again.
so here's the scoop:
we live in iowa city now, not chicago - though i do live in chicago once a week (long story). i have been running and, in fact, trained for chicago 2008, but i haven't run a marathon in over a year now. i've been busy passing prelims, starting a fellowship program, moving to iowa, doing my thing. now that all of that has calmed down, i'm ready for marathon #5 - the running fit trail marathon this april. the race is 16 weeks away, which means that today marks my first day of actual training: a three mile spin around the hood. despite the nasty cold/sinus thingy I'm fighting off, the run went off without a hitch - woo hoo!
more important than that actual three mile loop, though, is my attitude. it occurs to me that i've spent quite a few years trying to get running and, more specifically, the demands of racing, to bend to my will. i've tried to find a way to get through the training without really making room for the training. i've tried to rationalize that as long as i could check off those runs, i could work too hard, sleep too little, drink too much - in other words, i think i tried too hard to do things "my way." that seems to me, now, to be a pretty stupid way to do things, and i'm not entirely sure why that just now occurred to me.
maybe it's because things have finally quieted down. the insanity of the last year or two subsided this winter break and, when i was finally forced to sit with myself, in myself, for a few minutes, i realized that i was scared - absolutely terrified, in fact. i suppose most people are scared of something, but this realization - that i was scared of everything - shocked the hell out of me. i didn't take myself for the fearful kind. it took a few weeks after that to figure out just what i was scared of - or why - and here's what i came up with: the future! more specifically, a future that i want desperately to control.
once i figured that out, i realized that this fear was silly, ridiculous in fact. no one can control the future and trying to do so only makes you miserable. armed with that epiphany, i am going to try very hard to get out of the future and get into now. and what better time to do that, than as i embark on my training for my first ever trail marathon.
it's not that i'm running this marathon to "save my soul." i'm running this marathon to run it! and, for once, to give myself up to the training. to let go and let god as they say. or, in my case, since i'm a little wary of the whole "god" thing - i'm going to let go and let the running gods step in. i'm going to pledge to take this training seriously for the first time. to revel in it. to luxuriate in it. to quit trying to impose my will on it. to embrace my fear of the future and enjoy the 3 miles of today. to face the scary fear of actually trying my best at something and letting the world see what that "best" is.
this is it: my gift to myself in 2009. to give myself up to training. to take it seriously. to enjoy it. to make room for it. to give up controlling it. to surrender to it.
to let go. and to let the running gods in.
so here's the scoop:
we live in iowa city now, not chicago - though i do live in chicago once a week (long story). i have been running and, in fact, trained for chicago 2008, but i haven't run a marathon in over a year now. i've been busy passing prelims, starting a fellowship program, moving to iowa, doing my thing. now that all of that has calmed down, i'm ready for marathon #5 - the running fit trail marathon this april. the race is 16 weeks away, which means that today marks my first day of actual training: a three mile spin around the hood. despite the nasty cold/sinus thingy I'm fighting off, the run went off without a hitch - woo hoo!
more important than that actual three mile loop, though, is my attitude. it occurs to me that i've spent quite a few years trying to get running and, more specifically, the demands of racing, to bend to my will. i've tried to find a way to get through the training without really making room for the training. i've tried to rationalize that as long as i could check off those runs, i could work too hard, sleep too little, drink too much - in other words, i think i tried too hard to do things "my way." that seems to me, now, to be a pretty stupid way to do things, and i'm not entirely sure why that just now occurred to me.
maybe it's because things have finally quieted down. the insanity of the last year or two subsided this winter break and, when i was finally forced to sit with myself, in myself, for a few minutes, i realized that i was scared - absolutely terrified, in fact. i suppose most people are scared of something, but this realization - that i was scared of everything - shocked the hell out of me. i didn't take myself for the fearful kind. it took a few weeks after that to figure out just what i was scared of - or why - and here's what i came up with: the future! more specifically, a future that i want desperately to control.
once i figured that out, i realized that this fear was silly, ridiculous in fact. no one can control the future and trying to do so only makes you miserable. armed with that epiphany, i am going to try very hard to get out of the future and get into now. and what better time to do that, than as i embark on my training for my first ever trail marathon.
it's not that i'm running this marathon to "save my soul." i'm running this marathon to run it! and, for once, to give myself up to the training. to let go and let god as they say. or, in my case, since i'm a little wary of the whole "god" thing - i'm going to let go and let the running gods step in. i'm going to pledge to take this training seriously for the first time. to revel in it. to luxuriate in it. to quit trying to impose my will on it. to embrace my fear of the future and enjoy the 3 miles of today. to face the scary fear of actually trying my best at something and letting the world see what that "best" is.
this is it: my gift to myself in 2009. to give myself up to training. to take it seriously. to enjoy it. to make room for it. to give up controlling it. to surrender to it.
to let go. and to let the running gods in.
Monday, December 31, 2007
elvis has left the building...
well, i've been running and walking, but not blogging. after spending several weeks trying to balance the demands of running for hours at a time and reading for my upcoming prelims, something had to give. and, while i sometimes wish that something was school, i'm going to hang in there. as such, the 50-miler goal has been shelved for the time being, in lieu of a plain old regular person marathon this spring. once i pass my prelims, well, the sky's the limit.
happy trails!
c.
happy trails!
c.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
let it snow!
well, if you're anywhere in the midwest, you know that we have been doused in snow and ice this last week. and what better time to try out my new trail kicks? turns out i love them! they got me through a hill workout in ankle-deep snow on wednesday, a race pace run on solid ice today, and an 11-mile jaunt on packed ice and snow yesterday. what fun!
if you know me, you know that i LOVE this weather. heavy snow seems to be the only thing that can turn this dreary city into something remotely resembling "nature." the city absorbs heat, rain, sun, you name it, but it can't do a damn thing about snow and ice.
when drew and i headed out this morning, it felt like winter in iowa city. not too many people are out on sunday morning anyway, but, with the temperature hovering at 32º, the snow that blanketed the city this week melted just enough to refreeze into a sheet of solid ice. the few people who were out walking their dogs all wandered through the streets. the sidewalks were impassable. it was gorgeous! it's time like these that i appreciate the beauty of this city. or, maybe, it's time like these when i'm able to pretend i'm back in the i.c.! :)
numbers for the week:
M 12/3: rest
Tu 12/4: 4.0 easy
W 12/5: 5.0 long hills
Th 12/6: 4.0 easy
F 12/7: rest
Sa 12/8: 11.0 in lincoln park
Su 12/9: 7.0 at race pace
miles this week: 31.0
miles for ice age training: 104.0
keep running out there!
if you know me, you know that i LOVE this weather. heavy snow seems to be the only thing that can turn this dreary city into something remotely resembling "nature." the city absorbs heat, rain, sun, you name it, but it can't do a damn thing about snow and ice.
when drew and i headed out this morning, it felt like winter in iowa city. not too many people are out on sunday morning anyway, but, with the temperature hovering at 32º, the snow that blanketed the city this week melted just enough to refreeze into a sheet of solid ice. the few people who were out walking their dogs all wandered through the streets. the sidewalks were impassable. it was gorgeous! it's time like these that i appreciate the beauty of this city. or, maybe, it's time like these when i'm able to pretend i'm back in the i.c.! :)
numbers for the week:
M 12/3: rest
Tu 12/4: 4.0 easy
W 12/5: 5.0 long hills
Th 12/6: 4.0 easy
F 12/7: rest
Sa 12/8: 11.0 in lincoln park
Su 12/9: 7.0 at race pace
miles this week: 31.0
miles for ice age training: 104.0
keep running out there!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
week two
M rest
T 4m @ easy
W 7m @ 15 easy, 30 strong, 15 easy
Th 4m @ easy
F rest
Sa 15m @ medium
Su 7m @ race pace
Total for the week: 36.0m
Total for Ice Age Training: 73.0m
T 4m @ easy
W 7m @ 15 easy, 30 strong, 15 easy
Th 4m @ easy
F rest
Sa 15m @ medium
Su 7m @ race pace
Total for the week: 36.0m
Total for Ice Age Training: 73.0m
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