i'm still hurting a bit from the trail race, but i figure i've got to get right back on that trail horse! so i headed over to hickory hill park, for the first time in a long time, to re-embrace its snowy hills. two slow miles, two quicker miles, and one very slow mile later, i emerged with a renewed appreciation of the trails. they're rougher than the roads, but it doesn't get much better than roaming free in an empty park, listening to your own breath, broken every once in awhile by the sweet song of a cardinal or a chickadee. i love those trails!
so what better way to cap off the love fest than with my official entry into the michigan trail marathon on april 26, 2009. i'm in! and i intend to do everything i can to make it to the start. woo hoo!
happy trails,
me.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
one hell of a trail run!
on saturday, i headed to rock cut state park in rockford for race #2 in the rock cut trail series. from what i understand, the rockford road runners put on this trail race series every winter, consisting of a december 5k, january 10k, february 15k, and march 20k. i knew it was cold out (20º) and windy and snowy, but i had no idea what was in store!
i arrived at rock cut in time to register for the race ($20 cash in order to pay out the winners!) and head out for a two mile warm-up. i had to head straight to the start after that, where about 150 people (many of them in their 40s and 50s and FIT) started chanting "LARRY! LARRY!" in an effort to summon race director, larry swanson, for the gun. he arrived, offering a few last minute bits of advice, "Don't get hurt! You're going to cross that frozen lake not once - not twice - but THREE times!"
and then we were off!
straight up a hill ankle deep in fresh powder, onto narrow singletrack through the woods, along the edge of pierce lake, up more hills, across the lake, up another hill, through the woods, across the lake again, up more hills, through more powder, across the lake x3, around the lake, and in.
HOLY MOSES! i remember thinking to myself that i was hitting the wall, and then seeing the little yellow plastic pie plate mile marker for mile TWO! this was going to be a LONG 10k. for the first half mile or so, we had to stay single file on the singletrack. i made a few moves into the deeper powder for better position. after that, i got passed by one guy around mile 4 who shouted, "why are we doing this?!?!" when he passed me! other than that, i was pretty well on my own the whole race, with usually not more than two people in view ahead. i passed a few guys on the lake passes, passed a few more on the singletrack, and cut through knee deep powder to pass the only other woman i saw on the course in the final five yards. she seemed pissed but a race is a race! as i passed through the chute, i heard the race official say, "1:18." 1:18!!!!
my legs were literally shaking at the finish. i grabbed a homemade chocolate chip cookie and some water and headed out for a two-mile warm-down. i made it back for the awards ceremony and discovered that i finished 2nd in my age group - though there may only have been two people in my age group! i'm still waiting for the results to be posted, but i think i finished in the top of the second half of finishers.
and i'm really thrilled with that! my 1:18 says something about the difficulty of the race. 12:30 pace really got my heart rate up and there were definite moments where i was thinking that this was harder than any marathon i've run. it took a whole lot of digging deep. it was also great practice for learning to walk (gasp!) up hills and run smart - trail running is a whole new animal and i'm learning as i go.
but for sure, in february, i'll be back!
i arrived at rock cut in time to register for the race ($20 cash in order to pay out the winners!) and head out for a two mile warm-up. i had to head straight to the start after that, where about 150 people (many of them in their 40s and 50s and FIT) started chanting "LARRY! LARRY!" in an effort to summon race director, larry swanson, for the gun. he arrived, offering a few last minute bits of advice, "Don't get hurt! You're going to cross that frozen lake not once - not twice - but THREE times!"
and then we were off!
straight up a hill ankle deep in fresh powder, onto narrow singletrack through the woods, along the edge of pierce lake, up more hills, across the lake, up another hill, through the woods, across the lake again, up more hills, through more powder, across the lake x3, around the lake, and in.
HOLY MOSES! i remember thinking to myself that i was hitting the wall, and then seeing the little yellow plastic pie plate mile marker for mile TWO! this was going to be a LONG 10k. for the first half mile or so, we had to stay single file on the singletrack. i made a few moves into the deeper powder for better position. after that, i got passed by one guy around mile 4 who shouted, "why are we doing this?!?!" when he passed me! other than that, i was pretty well on my own the whole race, with usually not more than two people in view ahead. i passed a few guys on the lake passes, passed a few more on the singletrack, and cut through knee deep powder to pass the only other woman i saw on the course in the final five yards. she seemed pissed but a race is a race! as i passed through the chute, i heard the race official say, "1:18." 1:18!!!!
my legs were literally shaking at the finish. i grabbed a homemade chocolate chip cookie and some water and headed out for a two-mile warm-down. i made it back for the awards ceremony and discovered that i finished 2nd in my age group - though there may only have been two people in my age group! i'm still waiting for the results to be posted, but i think i finished in the top of the second half of finishers.
and i'm really thrilled with that! my 1:18 says something about the difficulty of the race. 12:30 pace really got my heart rate up and there were definite moments where i was thinking that this was harder than any marathon i've run. it took a whole lot of digging deep. it was also great practice for learning to walk (gasp!) up hills and run smart - trail running is a whole new animal and i'm learning as i go.
but for sure, in february, i'll be back!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
there's nothing like a snowy, pre-dawn 8 miler in 10º weather to start the day off right! thank you, morning run, for getting the good vibes flowing. after that, i sat down, started working through my dissertation notes, and am in a much better place. all hail the running gods! for dissertation wisdom and for guiding me through week one of sixteen. 22 miles down, several hundred to go!
onward.
onward.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
the cuckoo sign man.
as i ran down the edge of a very snowy bowery street this dawn, a man in an old, red pontiac - refusing to move to the center of the road - made the cuckoo sign as he plowed on by.
i laughed.
i laughed.
Friday, January 9, 2009
maybe letting go is the easy part?
i've had a great couple of days - legs are good; mind is good. i'm getting over this cold, getting lots of sleep, and drinking more water than fat tire for a change. but as the beginning of the semester approaches, and my inbox fills with things to do, i'm finding myself a bit - shall we say - overwhelmed.
it's funny because i've been re-reading 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' for the first time in almost 15 years and i just read a passage where our narrator, a teacher of rhetoric (!), is talking about writer's block. to be blocked, he tells us, is not to be without ideas, without thinking; rather, it comes when we're thinking too much - seeing too much - in short, when we're overwhelmed.
i know, for instance, that i need to get to work on this dissertation, but my usual strategy of plowing ahead come hell or high water doesn't seem to be working this time around. i can't seem to push through this one by sheer force of will - the way i've accomplished almost everything in the last ten years.
i'm learning - in running - that i can't force myself through some things - or, rather, that i can, but that it might be a better idea to sit back, let go, do the work, show up, and let the magic happen. but i don't know how to do that with this whole "ph.d." thing. pushing through, imposing my will, has worked pretty well until now, but now that it doesn't, there doesn't seem to be a way to sit back, show up, do the work, and make the magic happen. there isn't a nice, clear, well-researched bob glover plan i can follow for sixteen weeks to get where i want to be. instead, there's just a whole host of people waiting for me to do the work and wondering why i haven't, or why the work i have done doesn't look the way it's supposed to.
which, of course, gets me to that fear - that deepest of fears - that i'm not good at this kind of work. and that it's not good for me. that i feel too much, care too much, am too involved to attempt to write an ethnographic study of something i care about, love too much, am too deeply involved in. and that scares the crap out of me. is that why i'm hemming and hawwing? is that why i can't get started? is that why i'm overwhelmed? maybe so.
and, in fact, that's the same thing that kept me from running for all those years. maybe they are the same. maybe i just need to show up, do the work, and let the magic happen. but, for now, i'm simply overwhelmed.
it's funny because i've been re-reading 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' for the first time in almost 15 years and i just read a passage where our narrator, a teacher of rhetoric (!), is talking about writer's block. to be blocked, he tells us, is not to be without ideas, without thinking; rather, it comes when we're thinking too much - seeing too much - in short, when we're overwhelmed.
i know, for instance, that i need to get to work on this dissertation, but my usual strategy of plowing ahead come hell or high water doesn't seem to be working this time around. i can't seem to push through this one by sheer force of will - the way i've accomplished almost everything in the last ten years.
i'm learning - in running - that i can't force myself through some things - or, rather, that i can, but that it might be a better idea to sit back, let go, do the work, show up, and let the magic happen. but i don't know how to do that with this whole "ph.d." thing. pushing through, imposing my will, has worked pretty well until now, but now that it doesn't, there doesn't seem to be a way to sit back, show up, do the work, and make the magic happen. there isn't a nice, clear, well-researched bob glover plan i can follow for sixteen weeks to get where i want to be. instead, there's just a whole host of people waiting for me to do the work and wondering why i haven't, or why the work i have done doesn't look the way it's supposed to.
which, of course, gets me to that fear - that deepest of fears - that i'm not good at this kind of work. and that it's not good for me. that i feel too much, care too much, am too involved to attempt to write an ethnographic study of something i care about, love too much, am too deeply involved in. and that scares the crap out of me. is that why i'm hemming and hawwing? is that why i can't get started? is that why i'm overwhelmed? maybe so.
and, in fact, that's the same thing that kept me from running for all those years. maybe they are the same. maybe i just need to show up, do the work, and let the magic happen. but, for now, i'm simply overwhelmed.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
the journey of 26.2 miles starts with a 3 mile loop around the neighborhood.
after a good year of silence, i've decided to revive this here blog. i know no one reads it other than me - and maybe drew! - but i think it might be nice to start this record of my thinking and running again.
so here's the scoop:
we live in iowa city now, not chicago - though i do live in chicago once a week (long story). i have been running and, in fact, trained for chicago 2008, but i haven't run a marathon in over a year now. i've been busy passing prelims, starting a fellowship program, moving to iowa, doing my thing. now that all of that has calmed down, i'm ready for marathon #5 - the running fit trail marathon this april. the race is 16 weeks away, which means that today marks my first day of actual training: a three mile spin around the hood. despite the nasty cold/sinus thingy I'm fighting off, the run went off without a hitch - woo hoo!
more important than that actual three mile loop, though, is my attitude. it occurs to me that i've spent quite a few years trying to get running and, more specifically, the demands of racing, to bend to my will. i've tried to find a way to get through the training without really making room for the training. i've tried to rationalize that as long as i could check off those runs, i could work too hard, sleep too little, drink too much - in other words, i think i tried too hard to do things "my way." that seems to me, now, to be a pretty stupid way to do things, and i'm not entirely sure why that just now occurred to me.
maybe it's because things have finally quieted down. the insanity of the last year or two subsided this winter break and, when i was finally forced to sit with myself, in myself, for a few minutes, i realized that i was scared - absolutely terrified, in fact. i suppose most people are scared of something, but this realization - that i was scared of everything - shocked the hell out of me. i didn't take myself for the fearful kind. it took a few weeks after that to figure out just what i was scared of - or why - and here's what i came up with: the future! more specifically, a future that i want desperately to control.
once i figured that out, i realized that this fear was silly, ridiculous in fact. no one can control the future and trying to do so only makes you miserable. armed with that epiphany, i am going to try very hard to get out of the future and get into now. and what better time to do that, than as i embark on my training for my first ever trail marathon.
it's not that i'm running this marathon to "save my soul." i'm running this marathon to run it! and, for once, to give myself up to the training. to let go and let god as they say. or, in my case, since i'm a little wary of the whole "god" thing - i'm going to let go and let the running gods step in. i'm going to pledge to take this training seriously for the first time. to revel in it. to luxuriate in it. to quit trying to impose my will on it. to embrace my fear of the future and enjoy the 3 miles of today. to face the scary fear of actually trying my best at something and letting the world see what that "best" is.
this is it: my gift to myself in 2009. to give myself up to training. to take it seriously. to enjoy it. to make room for it. to give up controlling it. to surrender to it.
to let go. and to let the running gods in.
so here's the scoop:
we live in iowa city now, not chicago - though i do live in chicago once a week (long story). i have been running and, in fact, trained for chicago 2008, but i haven't run a marathon in over a year now. i've been busy passing prelims, starting a fellowship program, moving to iowa, doing my thing. now that all of that has calmed down, i'm ready for marathon #5 - the running fit trail marathon this april. the race is 16 weeks away, which means that today marks my first day of actual training: a three mile spin around the hood. despite the nasty cold/sinus thingy I'm fighting off, the run went off without a hitch - woo hoo!
more important than that actual three mile loop, though, is my attitude. it occurs to me that i've spent quite a few years trying to get running and, more specifically, the demands of racing, to bend to my will. i've tried to find a way to get through the training without really making room for the training. i've tried to rationalize that as long as i could check off those runs, i could work too hard, sleep too little, drink too much - in other words, i think i tried too hard to do things "my way." that seems to me, now, to be a pretty stupid way to do things, and i'm not entirely sure why that just now occurred to me.
maybe it's because things have finally quieted down. the insanity of the last year or two subsided this winter break and, when i was finally forced to sit with myself, in myself, for a few minutes, i realized that i was scared - absolutely terrified, in fact. i suppose most people are scared of something, but this realization - that i was scared of everything - shocked the hell out of me. i didn't take myself for the fearful kind. it took a few weeks after that to figure out just what i was scared of - or why - and here's what i came up with: the future! more specifically, a future that i want desperately to control.
once i figured that out, i realized that this fear was silly, ridiculous in fact. no one can control the future and trying to do so only makes you miserable. armed with that epiphany, i am going to try very hard to get out of the future and get into now. and what better time to do that, than as i embark on my training for my first ever trail marathon.
it's not that i'm running this marathon to "save my soul." i'm running this marathon to run it! and, for once, to give myself up to the training. to let go and let god as they say. or, in my case, since i'm a little wary of the whole "god" thing - i'm going to let go and let the running gods step in. i'm going to pledge to take this training seriously for the first time. to revel in it. to luxuriate in it. to quit trying to impose my will on it. to embrace my fear of the future and enjoy the 3 miles of today. to face the scary fear of actually trying my best at something and letting the world see what that "best" is.
this is it: my gift to myself in 2009. to give myself up to training. to take it seriously. to enjoy it. to make room for it. to give up controlling it. to surrender to it.
to let go. and to let the running gods in.
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