life.

for reasons i'm not up for going into right now, my heart hurts. as i work through that, with the love of d. and the rest of the clan, it dawns on me that my heart hurts only because i am willing to risk loving and caring about a myriad of wonderful and amazing people around me. and lately, it seems likes their hearts have been hurting a whole lot. part of what has me so distraught is that it seems like those i love have been hurting alot more than their fair share lately. but i'm willing to consider that d. is right, and that the nature of life is to be beautiful and wonderful (as i like to believe) but that it's also to be painful and difficult and full of struggle.

and the thought of painful, difficult, and full of struggle brings me back, of course, to thinking about running. maybe that's why i do it. maybe that's why i willingly subject myself to painful, difficult, and struggling 20 mile runs. maybe those painful, difficult, and struggle-filled runs help to steel me for those painful, difficult, and struggle-filled times in life. and maybe my lack of rough training these past few months has left me particularly vulnerable.

maybe not.

but i have a feeling i'm going to take my training a bit more seriously from here on out.

field of dreams...

i discovered my own personal field of dreams today - hickory hill park in iowa city:

http://www.hickoryhillpark.org/map.htm

i remember hearing about this place from my rowing coxswain back in my undergrad days, but, somehow, i never quite got around to checking it out. inspired by the mention of h.h. park in last month's outside magazine, i decided to head out there for a run this morning. after all, the park is approximately two blocks from r.'s house and i happened to be in iowa city for an overnight.

let me tell you that this park kicks some serious butt - several miles of trails cutting through the woods, up and down hills, over streams, and across gorgeous prairies. i had tons of fun except, of course, for the fact that this 6-mile run almost killed me! this flat-as-a-pancake city girl is not used to those up and downs. regardless, what a day!

as i wove through and across the single-track trails, cutting myself on low brambles and ducking under low hanging limbs, i found myself repeating the lines:

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

i realized that this was literally - and figuratively - true. not only had i chosen to try out a new trail, but i had driven solo to iowa city to have lunch with a complete stranger. in fact, i've increasingly found myself taking the road less traveled by - in school and in life. and, for at least today as i sit back here in chicago exhausted but happy, "that has made all the difference."


The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

welcome to "the obligation to endure"!

welcome to life post-2006-chicago-marathon.

the 2006 chicago marathon sucked. that's about all i have to say about that. i licked my wounds for awhile, moped around, then hit my stride (literally!). i swore off treadmills in december, trained in massive snowdrifts and on city viaducts all winter, and arrived at the 2007 madison marathon a happy woman. most surprisingly, i finished up the 2007 madison marathon still a happy woman.

it was an amazing race in an amazing town. i didn't look at my watch once the whole day, got cheered on by d., mom, and dad, and generally had a blast.

moral of the story:
40,000 people not so good. 1,000 people oh so good.

since then, i've been recovering: walking, swimming, biking, and (finally!) running. i'm back up to about 40 miles per week and plan to run chicago (likely for the last time) in october. i'm hoping to run the lakefront 50k in late october and then (da, da, da, da!!!!) the ice age 50 in may.

running for me, these days, is simply about running. i'm not feeling particularly competitive and i'm also not much up for company. these days, i enjoy getting outside, enjoying myself, and finding meaning in another absurd past time... life.