elvis has left the building...

well, i've been running and walking, but not blogging. after spending several weeks trying to balance the demands of running for hours at a time and reading for my upcoming prelims, something had to give. and, while i sometimes wish that something was school, i'm going to hang in there. as such, the 50-miler goal has been shelved for the time being, in lieu of a plain old regular person marathon this spring. once i pass my prelims, well, the sky's the limit.

happy trails!

c.

let it snow!

well, if you're anywhere in the midwest, you know that we have been doused in snow and ice this last week. and what better time to try out my new trail kicks? turns out i love them! they got me through a hill workout in ankle-deep snow on wednesday, a race pace run on solid ice today, and an 11-mile jaunt on packed ice and snow yesterday. what fun!

if you know me, you know that i LOVE this weather. heavy snow seems to be the only thing that can turn this dreary city into something remotely resembling "nature." the city absorbs heat, rain, sun, you name it, but it can't do a damn thing about snow and ice.

when drew and i headed out this morning, it felt like winter in iowa city. not too many people are out on sunday morning anyway, but, with the temperature hovering at 32º, the snow that blanketed the city this week melted just enough to refreeze into a sheet of solid ice. the few people who were out walking their dogs all wandered through the streets. the sidewalks were impassable. it was gorgeous! it's time like these that i appreciate the beauty of this city. or, maybe, it's time like these when i'm able to pretend i'm back in the i.c.! :)

numbers for the week:
M 12/3: rest
Tu 12/4: 4.0 easy
W 12/5: 5.0 long hills
Th 12/6: 4.0 easy
F 12/7: rest
Sa 12/8: 11.0 in lincoln park
Su 12/9: 7.0 at race pace

miles this week: 31.0
miles for ice age training: 104.0

keep running out there!

week two

M rest
T 4m @ easy
W 7m @ 15 easy, 30 strong, 15 easy
Th 4m @ easy
F rest
Sa 15m @ medium
Su 7m @ race pace

Total for the week: 36.0m
Total for Ice Age Training: 73.0m

week one down.

well, i've been so busy updating the local foods connection blog - my new job! - that i kind of forgot about this one.

i'm not much in the mood for waxing poetic, so i'm just going to give you a rundown of the week.

ice age training, week one
M rest
T 4m @ easy
W 7m @ fartlek
Th 4m @ easy
F rest
Sa 14m @ waterfall glen
Su 7m @ race pace

Total for the week: 36.0m
Total for Ice Age Training: 36.0m

ice age training is officially underway!

thanks to my heaven-sent anti-embolism stockings, i made it through the brutal 50k hangover and lived to tell the tale. i ran a fun trail 5-miler with drew last weekend, worked in some running and walking during the week, and put together a 4 miler and a 10 miler this weekend. after a day of doing errands and clawing my way through spanish class today, i'm ready to begin. (i hate it that the first official day of training is always a rest day!)

today officially marks day one of week one of my 24 weeks of ice age training. 50 miles, here i come!

after walking my way to the lakefront 50k - literally running only twice a week - i'm back onto a regular resting M/F, longer miles Su, shorter miles Tu/Th, workouts W schedule. i am looking forward to running again. hopefully, the tumor will hold out. i'm going to head to the doctor sometime in the next week or two to see if we can get some physical therapy going.

so there you have it. it's off to the races!

me and my support hose.

so much for healthy! after running the lakefront 50k 14 days ago, feeling great for a week, and running friday/saturday/sunday, my legs no longer work. my tumor is throbbing and anytime i sit down for more than five minutes i have some serious trouble getting up.

one question: what the hell?

i've been walking and resting since then and still not much change. i even started wearing my knee-high oxysox and no change. finally, i resorted to buying a pair of walgreens anti-embolism stockings and success! i can actually walk now but my legs are still incredibly fatigued.

i don't get it. i know what my body usually feels like after a long race and this is not it. my legs feel like they weigh fifty pounds a piece and tingle all the time.

bummer.

"I can't go on, I'll go on." samuel beckett.

back to running! i'm recovering from both the lakefront 50k and the stomach flu that i apparently picked up from my students. after six days of rest and walking, i headed out for an easy 4-mile loop around the 'hood with drew yesterday. what fun! it felt so good to stretch the legs out and enjoy myself.

looks like i'll be taking a few more easy weeks, then beginning the ice age 50 training just after my birthday (nov. 17th!!!!). i'm thankful to be feeling healthy and enthusiastic - a complete mess at times - but healthy and enthusiastic.

one of the scariest things about distance runs, for me, is the unknown *after* the race. will i feel like shit? will i hate running? will my body hate me? can i go on?

maybe that's the point of distance running, though - to put yourself out there not only for the unknown of running, but for the unknown of the whole life experience that surrounds it. to continually ask yourself: "can i go on?" and to reply "i can't go on, i'll go on."

it's the obligation to endure and, at times, to even enjoy it.

rocking the lakefront 50k.

i came.










i ran.










i conquered!

yes, i competed in - and finished! - my first (baby-)ultra. roughly 300 of us gathered at the 63rd street beach starting line of the combined marathon and 50k. we headed north, into the wind, up past 31st street, where we turned around and headed back. after three loops, we were done! while the 20 mph headwinds SUCKED heading north, they were a blessing heading back in to the finish. i kicked it out the last two miles or so with a group of strong and experienced ultra-runners. finally, one woman and i pulled away from the pack, cruising south past the museum of science and industry at top gear. she glanced over at me and said, "see that guy up there - i think you can take him!" "no thanks," i replied. "i'm good." "nahhh... do it!" and we tried. another 10 yards and we might have gotten him. but the speed made for one of the more exciting ultra finishes. i was delighted to make the last turn and glance up at the clock - 5 hours 25 minutes. 10.29 pace! with the bathroom stops, stretching, and chit chat with the volunteers, that was certainly a better finishing time than i anticipated.

thank you drew, for being the best one man support crew a girl could ever ask for, mom, for always showing up at the right moment and screaming your lungs out for me, lisa, for hopping into the race (dress coat and all!) just when i needed you most, and ivan, for your little wave and smirk across the grass.

now bring on a 50 miler!

the music in my head - songs that got me through 50k!

eddie vedder, "hard sun"

When I walk beside her
I am the better man
when i look to leave her
I always stagger back again

Once I built an ivory tower
so I could worship from above
when I climb down to be set free
she took me in again

There’s a big
a big hard sun
beating on the big people
in the big hard world

When she comes to greet me
she is mercy at my feet
I see her inner charm
she just throws it back at me

Once I dug an early grave
to find a better land
she just smiled and laughed at me
and took her rules back again

Once I stood to lose her
and I saw what i had done
bowed down and threw away the hours
of her garden and her sun

So I tried to want her
I turned to see her weep
40 days and 40 nights
and its still coming down on me

AND

the killers, "read my mind"

on the corner of main street
just tryin' to keep it in line
you say you wanna move on and
you say I'm falling behind

can you read my mind?
can you read my mind?

I never really gave up on
breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around

can you read my mind?
can you read my mind?

The good old days
the honest man
the restless heart
the promised land
a subtle kiss
that no one sees
a broken wrist
and big trapeze

so what I don't mind
if you don't mind
'cause I don't shine
if you don't shine
before you go
can you read my mind?

Its funny how you just break down
waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
with magic soakin' my spine

can you read my mind?
can you read my mind?

The teenage queen
the loaded gun
the drop dead dream
the chosen one
a southern drawl
a world unseen
a city wall
and a trampoline

So what I don't mind
if you don't mind
'cause I don't shine
if you don't shine
before you jump
tell me what you find
can you read my mind

Slippin in my faith
until I fall
he never returned that call
woman, open the door
don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again

She said
I don't mind
if you don't mind
'cause I don't shine
if you don't shine
put your back on me
put your back on me
put your back on me

(ooooooohhhh)

The stars are blazing
like rebel diamonds
cut out of the sun
when you read my mind

i'm dying of laughter right now!

Saturday

Showers / Wind

High 55°F Low 38°F

Precip:		50%

Wind:		NW at 23 mph
UV Index:		2 Low
Humidity:		72%
Sunrise:		7:16 AM
Sunset:		5:52 PM

close

Windy with showers. Highs in the mid 50s and lows in the upper 30s.

You're on your ear, the ocean's near
The light has started to fade
Your high is timed, you found the climb
It's hard to focus on more than what's in front of you
Electron Blue
Adventure rings with a page and
When it dawns on you,
It singes blue
Your buzz beginning to wane.

Adventure has laid its claim on you
It's all you want to do.
You
You know where to run
You run Electron Blue.

And who am I?
I'm just a guy
I've got a story like everyone
But in your eyes
You looked surprised
And didn't know where to run
I looked to her
She's found the cure
Her future's already begun

Tomorrow's gaining speed on you
It's all you want to do
You
You know where to run
You run Electron Blue
You
You know where to run
You run electron blue

So bide your time
You'll feel the climb
Your high it builds like a lightning storm
It sings like pearls
You know that girl
And no one is any the wiser
So as if on cue.....
Electron Blue

24 + 10 - let the taper begin!

i made it through a 24 mile lakefront run yesterday and a 10 mile loop today to officially put the lid on the ultra training! this caps off multiple weeks of 50+ miles and, for anyone who might be keeping track (me), i logged my last 24 miler in 10.15 pace (after a 10.53 marathon last week). i guess maybe i'm ready! my legs are DEAD TIRED but i don't feel hurt.

one word to the wise:
a 24 miler + no lunch + college football + cheap pitchers of coors light = not the best idea.

other than that, all is well!

running through baghdad?

well, i ran the chicago marathon yesterday as training for the lakefront 50k and i'm guessing that since i made it through that unscathed, i'm going to be okay on the 27th!

unless you're living in a cave (or, i suppose, some place with "real" news), you've probably heard by now that the chicago marathon was a total fiasco. the race was called off around noon, one runner died on the course, and several hundred more were hospitalized. as people try to sort out what happened, the race directors are saying there was plenty of hydration on the course, while the runners out there (like me) know that was not the case. i didn't touch a drop of gatorade until mile 10 or so.

this race was utterly bizarre - even though i had alot of fun! i was happy to be doing it as a training run and not racing. i finished right where i wanted to - just under 11.00 minute pace - which may have been a little fast in retrospect, given the conditions.

this was a surreal experience, though, and one i'll not soon forget. the second half of the course was what i imagine running through a war zone to feel like: people were dropping like flies around me, puking in the gutters and laying on the curbs; runners were getting carried off on gurneys all over the place; and a police chopper kept flying overhead blaring "stop running NOW. there is NO MORE medical personnel!" from its loudspeaker. bizarro.

adding to the surreal-ness, i suppose, was the fact that i felt reasonably good. i high-fived every little kid on the course, sang the iowa fight song with the hawkeyes along the way, and stopped to kiss mom, dad, hannah, and lisa when i first saw them.

yes, i experienced the war zone that was the 2007 chicago marathon, the race that will live forever in running lore, but i didn't entirely experience it. what was, for me, a hot, fun day out on the course, turned into a matter of life and death for the people around me, before my very eyes. eerie. and a day not soon forgotten.

needless to say, i feel for those who got hit so hard by the poor conditions, those who took hits to their health, their pride, and their dreams. i take no pleasure in their pain. i do, however, give thanks for whatever i've got that made yesterday just another run in the heat: a fun day on the roads, high-fiving, singing, hugging, kissing, and finishing.

procrastination and endorphins.

i'm sitting in a coffeeshop, trying to read gayatri spivak's "can the subaltern speak?" and it's just not happening. not only have i littered the margins of my photocopied essay with mini-question marks, but i still have no idea whether or not the subaltern can speak after all. come to think of it, i don't even know who the subaltern are!

for instance, i just read the deleuze and guattari line, "Desire does not lack anything; it does not lack its object. It is, rather, the subject that is lacking in desire, or desire that lacks a fixed subject; there is no fixed subject except by repression." what the hell does that mean? if you think you know, please don't hesitate to tell me.

still, the impenetrability of this 40+ page essay just isn't getting me down. i completed a four hour plus run today and the endorphins dancing through my body (okay, nothing much is dancing in my legs at this point!) are rendering me impervious to this academic pain.

recall, too, that i'm planning to run the ice age trail 50 miler this spring for precisely this same reason. long runs, it turns out, are my medicine: the only antidote to the pain that is preliminary exams. i figure the only way i can possibly make it through the 200 some books and essays on my PhD exam lists will be to temper all of that intellectual nonsense with some good, clean running - rather, good, dirty running. let's hope it works!

for now, it's back to desire.

20 + 10

i made it! 20 miles yesterday and 10 this morning. by the end of 20 yesterday i felt like i couldn't run another step. that seemed like a problem. but my 10 miles this morning felt great! (well, except for dodging the stupid CARA training groups running their fully supported 2o miler this morning). i've been worried that i'm nowhere near the shape i was in for the madison marathon but maybe my body is finally catching up! one can only hope. because it sure does feel good to run long.

housekeeping.

guess what? non-members can post comments now. that means you, d.!!!!!!

respecting my limits.

after weeks of no sleep, crap food, extra beer, and LOTS of miles, my body gave out.

i awoke friday morning with the cold to end all colds - painful sinuses, running nose, headache, fever, sore throat, chesty cough, you name it. it was bad enough that i still have it. for some reason, i've been under the impression that my body is able to do astonishing things and that, therefore, i don't need to take the same care of it that other mortals do.

ha!

i've learned my lesson. my body has spoken and i have heeded its call. i've been doing nothing but sleeping, drinking water and juice, and sleeping some more. with some extra self-love, i was still able to get in my back to back 18 and 10 mile runs this weekend (okay, run/walks) and i'm going to slow dance my way through 4, 6, and 8 this mid-week. with the extra sleep i've been getting and the real food i've been eating, i'm hoping i can make it through the 20-10 i have planned this weekend. we shall see!

but at least i'm starting to respect this ordeal that i put my body through on a regular basis. and i'm willing to accept that my body does have its limits. and as sutherland/bowerman explained, "Be thankful for your limits, Pre, they're about as limitless as they get in this life."

the middle road.

i was back in iowa city this week due to forces beyond my control. still, it was a delight to see r., drink crappy beer at george's, and run 16 miles saturday on the iowa river corridor trail and through city park, and then 10 miles sunday out to the lower finkbine trail. i loved every minute of it except that my pesky little tumor and my lack of hill running were kicking my ass come monday. my legs are DEAD. well, they *were* dead. after three days of power walking, my legs seem to be coming back to me. still, my shins, calves, and ankles are a bit testy.

anyway, i'm starting to love wandering around outside for hours on end. i'm not running fast; i'm not racing; but i'm still running. throughout my life, i've frequently done things perfectly or not at all. as i told b. earlier this evening, i'm trying to learn to be a bit more mediocre. does that sound crazy? yes. but somewhere between obsessively fantastic and stubbornly apathetic lies the middle road.

life.

for reasons i'm not up for going into right now, my heart hurts. as i work through that, with the love of d. and the rest of the clan, it dawns on me that my heart hurts only because i am willing to risk loving and caring about a myriad of wonderful and amazing people around me. and lately, it seems likes their hearts have been hurting a whole lot. part of what has me so distraught is that it seems like those i love have been hurting alot more than their fair share lately. but i'm willing to consider that d. is right, and that the nature of life is to be beautiful and wonderful (as i like to believe) but that it's also to be painful and difficult and full of struggle.

and the thought of painful, difficult, and full of struggle brings me back, of course, to thinking about running. maybe that's why i do it. maybe that's why i willingly subject myself to painful, difficult, and struggling 20 mile runs. maybe those painful, difficult, and struggle-filled runs help to steel me for those painful, difficult, and struggle-filled times in life. and maybe my lack of rough training these past few months has left me particularly vulnerable.

maybe not.

but i have a feeling i'm going to take my training a bit more seriously from here on out.

field of dreams...

i discovered my own personal field of dreams today - hickory hill park in iowa city:

http://www.hickoryhillpark.org/map.htm

i remember hearing about this place from my rowing coxswain back in my undergrad days, but, somehow, i never quite got around to checking it out. inspired by the mention of h.h. park in last month's outside magazine, i decided to head out there for a run this morning. after all, the park is approximately two blocks from r.'s house and i happened to be in iowa city for an overnight.

let me tell you that this park kicks some serious butt - several miles of trails cutting through the woods, up and down hills, over streams, and across gorgeous prairies. i had tons of fun except, of course, for the fact that this 6-mile run almost killed me! this flat-as-a-pancake city girl is not used to those up and downs. regardless, what a day!

as i wove through and across the single-track trails, cutting myself on low brambles and ducking under low hanging limbs, i found myself repeating the lines:

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

i realized that this was literally - and figuratively - true. not only had i chosen to try out a new trail, but i had driven solo to iowa city to have lunch with a complete stranger. in fact, i've increasingly found myself taking the road less traveled by - in school and in life. and, for at least today as i sit back here in chicago exhausted but happy, "that has made all the difference."


The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

welcome to "the obligation to endure"!

welcome to life post-2006-chicago-marathon.

the 2006 chicago marathon sucked. that's about all i have to say about that. i licked my wounds for awhile, moped around, then hit my stride (literally!). i swore off treadmills in december, trained in massive snowdrifts and on city viaducts all winter, and arrived at the 2007 madison marathon a happy woman. most surprisingly, i finished up the 2007 madison marathon still a happy woman.

it was an amazing race in an amazing town. i didn't look at my watch once the whole day, got cheered on by d., mom, and dad, and generally had a blast.

moral of the story:
40,000 people not so good. 1,000 people oh so good.

since then, i've been recovering: walking, swimming, biking, and (finally!) running. i'm back up to about 40 miles per week and plan to run chicago (likely for the last time) in october. i'm hoping to run the lakefront 50k in late october and then (da, da, da, da!!!!) the ice age 50 in may.

running for me, these days, is simply about running. i'm not feeling particularly competitive and i'm also not much up for company. these days, i enjoy getting outside, enjoying myself, and finding meaning in another absurd past time... life.